Sweat equity = Swea-quity

Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. Sweat equity = Swea-quity if you will. So grateful that I have the time and ability to continue to work on myself while working toward our family’s future. I’ve been seeing things about shadow work lately. I asked a friend about it. Come to find out it’s what I’ve been aggressively doing the last 3 years. Working through what needs to be worked to become a better, stronger version of myself. Putting myself through some a kind of emotional boot camp.

I’ve read some amazing books (listed a few below in case you’d like to give them a read) that provided some interesting insights and tools. I’ve always been interested in the social sciences, but a 50 cent book from a church second hand sale, that I happened to come across a few years ago, was the catalyst for my recent inner discoveries. The Mindful Path to Self Compassion changed my life.

Altered Traits Goleman & Davidson
Fierce Conversations Susan Scott
Start With Why Simon Sinek
The Mindful Path to Self Compassion Germer
The Nature Fix: Why Nature Makes Us Happy Florence Williams
The Self-Healing Mind Gregory Scott Brown

Now, as I clean out my childhood home, and work to make it a home for me and my husband, the work continues. Looking through old pictures, some familiar, some forgotten, feels bitter sweet. So many have moved on to whatever is next for all of us. I miss my dear family. I miss sitting with my grandparents in their living room. I miss my dad’s laugh, more of a grown man giggle than a laugh. I miss my great aunt and uncle bickering and joking together. I miss early Sunday morning family motorcycle rides.

But then I look at pictures of my niece and nephew as they’ve grown through the years. They’re little chubby cheeks and funny looks hinting at the outrageous personality underneath. Anytime they’re interested I’ll tell them about the way their granddad laugh-giggled and how much we loved our grandparents. My way of honoring those still in my heart.

I paint over walls my dad painted and wonder what he would think about any number of things. Would he have kept the belly or slimmed down with age? Would he still ride? What would he think about the color I’m using to cover his work?

I have now inherited my grandparent’s ashes. I’m not sure my mom knew what to do with them. I vaguely remember the ashes moving around the house the last few years. I’ve decided they’ll continue to play a part in everyday life here. Prominently displayed by the fireplace in places of honor. While dad’s bow hangs from a wall in the same room.

Tomorrow is another day spent working through the past to move toward the future in peace and harmony. Today was my day of peace, and so will be tomorrow.