My Inner Eye Needs Sunglass(es)

Today was a great example of how I’d like to balance my life. Although I will admit I’d like to add more family & friend time. But I did manage to text/chat with a few friends, my bro, sister in law, and husband. So maybe not that bad on that front either. I woke up kind of early feeling pretty well rested. Spent time playing with Duchess, made hubby breakfast, went to work for a few hours, talked about future business ventures & adventures, gave Reva some love, did some gardening, stretched my creative muscles, & the weather was even decent. What more could a girl ask for?

I’m a huge fan of calendars & spreadsheets. The problem is “the best laid plans…” I feel like an absolute champion anytime I actually get to finish a to do list or do 100% of what’s on my work or social calendar. Sometimes it’s just life. Shit happens. But sometimes it’s me. Sometimes it’s unintentional, but others, I know I’m doing it. I know I’m derailing myself in real time. But I continue anyway. It’s the strangest thing. I’ve gotten a lot better about it. But it still happens.

I’ve learned to try and feel out what’s wrong. What feels off? When did it start? What happened around then? If I’m lucky enough to remember I can isolate the issue. Then unpack it and work out the knots.

Although sometimes I can’t. I’m tired, I’m already moody, I’m not in a good place or time to unpack it, or there’s this avoidance. Almost like not looking directly at the sun because you know it’s hella bright. Whatever it is I’m not ready for it.

Like everyone else I have memories I’m not exactly proud of. But those experiences are part of who I am in this moment. I learned from those times that my behavior left me feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. Disappointed in myself, and hard on myself. Way harder than I should have been. But like the quote kinda says, forgive yourself for not knowing what only time could teach you.

So if I’ve grown enough to understand all that, what still feels too difficult after that? Do I want to know? No. But yea. The more intimately I get to know myself (giggle) the deeper I love myself (giggle). Thinking on all of my best relationships shows a distinct pattern. The people that know me best, the ones I’ve shared pain and laughs with, the ones that have honored me by allowing me to be with them during their own highs and lows, are the ones I love the most. Isn’t that the way? Shared experiences create bonds. Bonds can strengthen and thicken when cherished.

Any who. If you found ANY of this interesting check out Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott. Great book. Thanks for hanging till the end. Here’s a pics from the last few days as a little thank you. Peace!